“On all charges you have been found guilty”
The words rang forth with doom and dread
“And may I just say that you’ve been terribly naughty
And so you’ll be hanged until dead!”
The crowd gasped, the hacks shouted
But the judge had already gone
The defendant removed and escorted
To the holding cell below, but not for long!
Thinking back, he remembered the crime
Of which his life had now been forfeit
Recalling a happier place and time
Running free, chasing Frisbee while on all four feet.
He considered the mud and the dark water
The mess he’d made in the new kitchen
But then what about the ball he’d brought her
The daughter of the sister from Hitchin?
So the muddy prints went up the new stairs
And yes, he’d peed on the new duvet
So the baby was covered in his wet hairs
And he’d left a present inside the chrome bidet!
And yes, he had bitten the old aunt
And yes, he had humped someone’s leg
And yes, he had howled like a footie chant
And yes, he had insisted they call him Greg!
All these thoughts raced through his mind
As his final dawn sunlight streamed in
The Chaplain came in and tickled his hind
Quarters, as he licked his last sin.
And the rope noose is swinging limp now
And the 12 men’s job is at an end
And the empty collar looks sad somehow
And we still called him man’s best friend!
(c) 2007, Neil Gardner