Micky McDuff’s Mad Mancunian Machine

Micky McDuff was a wee lad of ten
Although his mum swore that he was thirty-seven
Micky McDuff sat alone in his den
His own personal technological heaven
Micky McDuff was as daft as a brush
But his Dad said it was all down to his hormones
Micky McDuff was in no real rush
So he cranked up his favourites, the Ramones!
Micky McDuff was a robotics whiz
But his gal said he was just a sad anorak
Micky McDuff got all in a tiz
When his gal left him for chap who flipped Big Macs
Micky McDuff swore vengeance that day
But his mates said he was simply a weirdo
Micky McDuff started building from clay
Coz he’d used all his metal on a robotic yo-yo
Micky McDuff toiled hour after hour
His Gran said he’d soon need the bathroom
Micky McDuff had a true secret power
Supreme bladder control that would spell the world’s doom
Micky McDuff eventually came forth
But his family were all down the park
Micky McDuff screamed aloud like a Norse
And for a moment the sky went all dark
Micky McDuff pressed down on the control
But no-one was there to see the great sight
Micky McDuff stepped behind a grassy knoll
As from out of the den shone an ominous light
Micky McDuff gasped in awe at his creation
As the neighbours stepped out and screamed
Micky McDuff laughed loud like a good ‘un
As his monster flew off in the direction he leaned
Micky McDuff stood there and waited
His folks finally back from the park
Micky McDuff grinned the grin they all hated
The one that reminded them of the old Cutty Sark
Micky McDuff eye-spied his new creature
As descending from above it did drop
Micky McDuff bellowed forth, a bit like Nietzsche
“Tell us your name and then stop”
Micky McDuff was then taken aback some
As from the creature’s mouth came a sound
Micky McDuff, an Orthodox Brumm
Couldn’t understand what he heard coming down
Micky McDuff cried tears of shame
As the crowd that had gathered then left
Micky McDuff trudged off down the lane
His creature, all alone, slightly miffed
Micky McDuff never spoke of it again
But every year a card or two he’d be sent
Micky McDuff had brought his family great shame
With his mad machine with a Mancunian accent

(c) 2007, Neil Gardner