As a boy I loved to touch
Girls bits so very much
But sadly they were all put off
By my sores and smells and awful cough.
So I had to find another way
To savour the feelings as I lay
Upon my bed, a growing boy
A friend called “Slappy” my only joy.
And so I learned the art of the wrist
To pull and stroke and jerk and twist
And from that day on I felt happy
Hours alone, just feeling “Slappy”.
(c) 2007, Neil Gardner